Do you sometimes feel like no one listens to you in conversations? Or you do not know what to say?
If you follow these principles you will always find the appropriate thing to contribute and not be disregarded in conversations.
The principal of cooperation
Firstly and also most importantly all participants must acknowledge that the conversation between the parties is a form of social interaction. That means, everyone involved commits to the collective goal of common understanding. Maybe this first step seems obvious and simple but it lays the foundation so that the communicators can adapt to each other.
Social interaction comes in many different forms but when it comes to conversations the acknowledgment of it being a form of social interaction is crucial. This lays the groundwork so that the conversation can be goal-oriented and purposeful.
The four maxims of conversation
In addition to the acknowledgment of conversations being a form of social interaction, there are four more maxims to follow so that the conversation is successful.
Quantity
Have you ever been in the awkward situation that you just could not stop talking? Or just did not get out a single word?
These examples may be a little extreme but I am sure most people experience over or under sharing at some point in their life. To avoid these unpleasant situations it is best to figure out which type of social situation you are in. Ask yourself who you are talking to – a friend or family member will want many personal details – and what the goal of the conversation is. Try to offer as many details as necessary without derailing the conversation so that you end up discussing a different topic.
Usually finding a middle ground is the option. Offer some interesting information or details about the topic being discussed and leave room for the others to ask follow-up questions.
Quality
When it comes to the quality of input to a conversation there is a very clear differentiation between casual and scientific conversations – no matter if written or spoken.
For scientific purposes, all the facts and details given must be researched and come from reliable and verifiable sources.
But the main focus of this article lies in the form of conversation as social interaction which usually in tales casual conversations. Here the rule to maintain the quality of your contribution is very straightforward: Do not lie!
Unlike scientific conversations, it is fine to share facts or details you have not thoroughly checked and are not entirely sure whether or not they are true. But you should clearly state your uncertainty as to not spread false information.
Relevance
The relevance of your input to a conversation is closely connected to the quantity of your information. Often oversharing details can lead to shifting conversational topics because the interest falls on a detail, not important to the topic being discussed.
Try to stay on topic and if another factor argument comes to your mind write it down or save it for an appropriate time during the conversation.
Such as for every rule there is, of course, an exception: If you for example need to distract someone who is afraid of heights while you are on a very high tower you will definitely not discuss how high the tower is even though that would be very relevant to the situation you are both in. You would try to find a different topic so that your friend can concentrate on that rather than her fear.
Form
To make all the other aspects including the quantity, quality, and relevance of your input to the conversation heard and understood the last maxim is essential.
The form you deliver your contribution in will often decide whether it is taken into account by the other conversational parties or not. Use clear expressions and avoid ambiguity. Leave out unnecessary details and detours and always display your information in a structured and logical manner.
Conclusion
Make sure you go through all of the guidelines above to have a successful and goal-oriented conversation.
And if you should find that you struggle with this during conversations review them afterward and consider what you did well or you would like to do differently the next time.
